Shinigami Guaranteed With Your Purchase
by Hazelcough
Summary: -Oneshot- “First times, first times. Always the most memorable…” Ryuk replied nostalgically, baring his large fangs. Raito makes a tiny mistake on his way to the electronics store.


Fandom: Death Note, a series about a self-confident boy who had his balloon popped by a hair-twirling blond kid

**Fandom: **Death Note, a series about a self-confident boy who had his balloon popped by a hair-twirling blond kid.

**Type: **Fat drabble

**Idea: **I always wondered what Raito did to that mini-TV he so conveniently happened to find while buying chips. It was quite expensive, was it not? Anyways, my opinion of Raito is that he often gets carried away. If he hadn't gotten himself so deep into the investigation, he would've never been discovered.

x – x – x

**Shinigami Guaranteed With Your Purchase**

"That was wonderful," the voice of a teenage boy mumbled.

"How was that for your first time?" a huskier voice asked in reply.

"You were good, Ryuk."

"Not bad yourself, kid."

"Hey," the boy mumbled again into his pillow, "no need to sound so suggestive, Ryuk. You'll ruin my winning streak. It's not every day a student like me beats a world famous detective."

"First times, first times. Always the most memorable…" Ryuk replied nostalgically, baring his large fangs.

Yagami Raito woke that morning to the immense sense of relief and satisfaction that came with knowing he had outwitted the mysterious obstacle known as L. Yet, being as smart as he was – and he knew it – Raito was sure he had another trip to make that day. _If they find that thing in our trash, L is sure to suspect me again._

"Come, Ryuk. We have some apples to buy." The dark God of Death allowed himself to trail after the human like a hungry puppy making very un-puppy-like noises. On his way out, Raito grabbed the full, chipless bag of chips off of his desk.

"What are you doing with that, Raito?" Ryuk asked, his deep voice raspy.

"Returning it," he replied casually, adjusting his hold on the bag so that it would seem more like a useless piece of trash. "No need to let so much money go to waste by throwing it away."

"Oh? Are you sure you're well enough today to go?" The Shinigami looked him over and started chuckling – the type of chuckle that usually turned into wild laughter.

"Stop that, Ryuk." Raito frowned. "I'm not even going ask. You never tell me anything anyways."

"Aww, but it's no fun that way," he whined.

_Shinigami. What idiots. _

"Anyways, will they even let you return something like that?"

"Ryuk," Raito started patronizingly with a condescending smirk, "I've just outsmarted L." He left his answer at that, as if temporarily throwing the man off of his trail was an explanation.

x – x – x

"How may I help you?" the young clerk asked, his expression detached. The indifference immediately disappeared when he saw Yagami Raito. He flushed. _Get used to it, Takashi. Perverts like him always come in. If you're going to work here, get used to it…_

"Would it have been easier if this guy," Ryu jabbed a finger at the oblivious boy behind the counter, "could've been female?" He grinned ferally.

Ignoring the Shinigami, Raito began to explain his situation. "This miniature television set's resolution is simply too pixilated for me to make out anything on it," he began innocently.

"Looks like you've…had some fun with it," the clerk replied hesitantly, fingering the oil covering the slick contraption with a look of disgust. He turned the device around. "Sir, I'm sorry, but –"

Raito had prepared himself for the oil predicament. "Yes, about that…. I haven't really had a chance to clean it after Sayuri-chan dropped it into the cat food. What a klutz! Though I suppose I should've been watching such an expensive…item. I simply wiped it off, but I you want me to disinfect it…" He trailed off awkwardly, maintaining his sincere demeanor. "Gomen nasai."

"No, sir, it's just that –"

Raito stopped the boy's words with an intense look of sorrow. Still ignoring a hysterical Ryuk standing behind the counter, he continued. "I know that this is a lot of money to be refunding…but Sayuri-chan? The klutz? She's suffering from hemiplegia." Raito shook his head sadly. "She's only able to move half of her body. Nihama-sensei told us that there was a procedure available…but my parents cannot afford it."

The boy stared, the awkwardness of the situation clearing making him uncomfortable.

x – x – x

"I…I lied earlier. About my reason for returning the television," Raito admitted painfully. "When this model first came out, it was 'the thing' at school. I had been saving up for college and my sister's medical payments – though most of the money went to her – when I first wanted to buy the television." He wiped his face, appearing exhausted. "I've made a big mistake." A heavy silence hung in the air. Well, not for Raito – Ryuk was still laughing feverishly.

"Sir, I've…I never said you couldn't return it," the clerk murmured timidly after a while.

"What?" Raito stared at him, surprised. All traces of pain and anguish fled from his actor's face.

"You've got the wrong store, sir. This is the '_Pleasures' _shop_. '_Treasure Electronics' is right next door…"

Raito gaped. His expression frozen, he turned three-hundred and sixty degrees, taking in all of the more…explicit…items that the shop offered in addition to the magazines and snacks at the front counter.

"Also, sir, we have some spare work clothes here, if you plan on changing out of your…sleepwear."

x – x – x

**A/N: **What can I say? Crack.

I don't own Death Note. If I did, the characters would deadpan instead of being either bombastically obtuse or exceedingly emotional.


End file.
